apropos of nothing.

i hung out with one of my best friends this afternoon. it was fantastic. she came over late morning and stayed until late afternoon. i don’t get to see her all that often because she lives a aways away. though we talk all the time, it just isn’t the same as seeing her. she arrived and we talked for a bit before heading out to eat. i was craving a burger ~ big surprise ~ so we went to the local cafe. upon entering, we discovered they had brunch still going. she got spiced pumpkin pancakes and i got bacon, tomato and avocado eggs benedict. omg. they were soo good. for desert i had a frapachino type drink. sooo delicous. good thing my new next-size-up jeans had arrived on friday, because after that meal, boy did i need them!

as soon as our plates of deliciousness were set in front of us, she reached over and ate some potatoes off my plate. we both giggled as we inhaled our food. i loved that she just ate my food without asking. when my frapachino came, i slid it over for her to taste and she drank right out of the straw without hesitation. while that may sound silly that i enjoy that, those small things make me so happy. to me, that’s what true friendship is all about. i shouldn’t have to ask my friend for a fry or a sip of her drink and neither should she with me. it’s called sharing. and besides. it’s fun.

later when the bill came, i grabbed it first. she stated to complain, but then i told her she could just buy me something later. she laughed and said okay. i know next time she’ll pick up the bill so everything will just come around like it always does. i would much rather go back and forth on things like that with my friends rather than counting out each penny. it’s too anal that way for me. besides. there’s more to life than money.

but i can’t do that with all my friends. i only really do that with a small handful of friends. the others we go dutch on because they tend to cause a fuss or i end up paying too much. i honestly don’t mind paying for things, but when it turns out i am paying the majority of the time, it gets old. fast. when i decide to pay, it’s because i genuinely want to, not because i feel i have to. when i start feeling like i have to pay, i stop hanging out with that friend. i don’t like feeling taken advantage of. or for that matter, being taken advantage of.

anyhow, i love my girlfriend and am so glad she came to visit me today. next time i’ll go visit her and she can pay for lunch. maybe she’ll take me to crepeville for banana and nutella crepes. mmmmm.

secret lovers.

have you ever had one? i have. i will say that it was fantastic. and horrible. at the same time. i never had the intention of having a secret lover, but it just happened. and it actually lasted for quite a long time. it started out innocently enough, just flirting and secret glances. but it soon progressed to much more.

it was only supposed to happen once. but it didn’t. it actually turned into a full fledged relationship. well, as much as a relationship in secret can be. we were cautious and aware. we were hardly out alone, always going out in groups, but then meeting secretly afterwards. or before. we would have lunch or coffee together, but that wasn’t ever seen as odd as in our work environment, everyone ate together. it was a very incestuous environment so everyone was always seen together.

we went to a lot of events, but never showed up together. we didn’t leave together either. everyone knew we were very close, but then again, that environment produced a lot of close relationships due to the crazy work hours and way of life the industry demanded. we both worked in prominent offices that allowed us to be together often as our worked overlapped pretty much each and every day. and even when it didn’t, we were still around each do to the close proximity of our offices.

when our work demanded us to take trips to conventions, we always managed to sit next to each other on the airplane and vans, though we were careful to be as innocent about it as possible. sort of how we ‘just happened’ to find the last seat next to each other.

we were charming and witty to everyone around us, so it didn’t look like we were treating each other differently in the eyes of our colleagues. i’m not sure if people suspected things, but if they did, no one ever said anything.

sadly, he didn’t take power all that well. as he started getting promoted, his ego grew exponentially. it became so ridiculous that i could no longer see him. he became someone i didn’t want to be around and that made me sad. i longed for the man he was when i first knew him. i wanted his delicate kisses. his soft touch that would make me melt. the intimacy and passion that we had together has never been duplicated for me and i miss that. i miss him.