devastation.

life is beyond unbelievable right now.  i am devastated like i have never been.  my heart is broken.  i am a wreck.  i don’t know what my next step is, what the next day will bring.

i have failed.

i lied.  was deceitful.  dishonest.  i did what i had to do.

no matter how many financial conversations i had with hubby, nothing seemed to phase him.  he constantly thought i was just spending out of control on everything under the sun.

i finally fessed up the other day on how much was owed on the credit card.  he thought the balance was zero.  the balance was really $12,700.  i finally told him the truth that i had been using it to cover what i could not with what was in the checking account.  i could not have imagined how bad things would be.

he has since taken complete financial control.  and by that, i mean i have nothing, not even a debit card.  i do not have  checks.  i do not have cash.  i do not have a credit card. i have to cancel my much needed much anticipated hair appointment next week because i have zero money and he hasn’t decided when he will start giving me an allowance.

i will be given a $100 biweekly allowance to pay for my needs, including my gas.

and now he is expecting me to make amends to him.  he says that i have stolen from the family and that he does not care what i spent the money on, that it was stealing.  he says that i have to make amends to Baby, for what i spent could have paid for a two years of private elementary school.  sure, there were a few trips to starbucks or the random lunch out, but the rest was groceries, the balance due at the dentist for my root control, diapers, that sort of thing.  yes, the balance was  a lot.  but you know what?  he paid of the card with money FROM OUR SAVINGS.  AND THERE STILL IS SAVINGS LEFT.  and really?  a lot of that savings came from me.  i have only been out of work since Baby was born.  before that, 75% of my salary went into savings.  and the first two years of our marriage i supported us while he was in school getting his mba.  and did i ever mention that he makes 100k a year?  no.  i know i never have because money is not a big deal to me.  i don’t care about money.  i don’t care about status.  i care about being happy.  and having money does not equate having happiness.  in fact, most of the people who i know that have money, are not happy.

but now since i no longer have access to money, he will have to do everything i normally do, including the dry cleaning, the grocery shopping and getting the cars serviced.  he will just have to figure out how to do everything on his weekend.

this should be interesting.

but in the meantime, i am devastated. and thank god for baby because she is the only thing keeping me going these days.

and have started selling avon.  yes, i am now the avon lady.  please buy from me.  it is the only way i will get money.  avon lady calling…….

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3 responses to this post.

  1. honey. we need to talk. and i will be buying avon when i can. i heart you, mah belle.

    xo

    b.

  2. Shouldn’t there have been money for groceries, diapers, etc., if he is working? Shouldn’t he have been providing this money for basic necessities? I don’t understand what’s going on but I’m sorry you’re having these terrible problems.

  3. I had the same questions as Wendy.

    Whatever happened, I hope you’re ok. I’ve been thinking about you. I have an idea for you that’s not Avon — will email.

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