just breathe.

Sometimes I just get so wound up, it’s silly.  I know things in my life are good, but I just let my mind wander and that’s what gets me into trouble.  Maybe it’s being home so much without adult interaction.  I don’t know.  Don’t get me wrong ~ I simply adore staying home with Baby and couldn’t imagine things any other way ~ but sometimes I just need to get out of my head.

But I have to say, I am so, so thankful for this site.  As much as I love anonymity in my life, this seems to be the one true place that I can have it.  Well, for the most part.  A few of you know who I really am, and that’s okay with me.  I write here because I need to and because it helps clear my head.  Since I joined Facebook, I feel a bit more vulnerable, that more people can see inside me.  But I have to realize that they can only see what I let them, which really isn’t all that much.  No one there knows that I am sober or ever had a drinking problem.  No one there knows that I struggle with my parents or occasionally with Hubby.  Everyone sees a cheery disposition and I plan to keep it that way.  Sure, I post sometimes in the middle of the night when I am frustrated by a crying baby, but I don’t vent and I don’t judge.  Only those who are close to me know the real me and I plan to keep it that way.  Now I’m not saying that I am fake everywhere else, I’m just more guarded.  I have been pounced on and beaten up  too many times not to be.  But all of it is me and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I have recentlly gotten back in touch with a bunch of friends and it’s so crazy to see how my many lives are interceting.  I have come so far from where I started as a shy, awkward little kid.  I am now a strong, beautiful woman.  I just need to remind myself of that every once in a while.  But thankfully I have a bunch of wonderful friends who help me with that.  But sometimes, I just need to take a deep breath and let things  be.

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One response to this post.

  1. You are indeed strong and beautiful, and your daughter will be, too!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family!

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