just breathe.

Sometimes I just get so wound up, it’s silly.  I know things in my life are good, but I just let my mind wander and that’s what gets me into trouble.  Maybe it’s being home so much without adult interaction.  I don’t know.  Don’t get me wrong ~ I simply adore staying home with Baby and couldn’t imagine things any other way ~ but sometimes I just need to get out of my head.

But I have to say, I am so, so thankful for this site.  As much as I love anonymity in my life, this seems to be the one true place that I can have it.  Well, for the most part.  A few of you know who I really am, and that’s okay with me.  I write here because I need to and because it helps clear my head.  Since I joined Facebook, I feel a bit more vulnerable, that more people can see inside me.  But I have to realize that they can only see what I let them, which really isn’t all that much.  No one there knows that I am sober or ever had a drinking problem.  No one there knows that I struggle with my parents or occasionally with Hubby.  Everyone sees a cheery disposition and I plan to keep it that way.  Sure, I post sometimes in the middle of the night when I am frustrated by a crying baby, but I don’t vent and I don’t judge.  Only those who are close to me know the real me and I plan to keep it that way.  Now I’m not saying that I am fake everywhere else, I’m just more guarded.  I have been pounced on and beaten up  too many times not to be.  But all of it is me and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I have recentlly gotten back in touch with a bunch of friends and it’s so crazy to see how my many lives are interceting.  I have come so far from where I started as a shy, awkward little kid.  I am now a strong, beautiful woman.  I just need to remind myself of that every once in a while.  But thankfully I have a bunch of wonderful friends who help me with that.  But sometimes, I just need to take a deep breath and let things  be.


One response to this post.

  1. You are indeed strong and beautiful, and your daughter will be, too!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family!

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