my first crush.

there was just something about him. he had that twinkle in his eye, that impish grin and a little bit of mischief mixed in with the yummy smell of boy. he was 3 years younger than me but i had a mad crush on him.

i met his sister at a church dance sometime around the start of junior high and we instantly became friends because we shared the same name. but as soon as i met him, i secretly hung out with her as much a i could so i could see him. i would go watch her play ayso soccer because her games were right after his and we’d have to get there early to cheer for his team. as we got older, i spent the night at their house and would always hope he would be around, which he often was.

i kept my cool and never let on that i wanted to be more than just his sister’s friend.

as his sister and i got older, our sleep overs were a bit more wild and he hung out more with us, with his cute friends in tow. he still didn’t suspect a thing, and i don’t think she did, either.

by the time i was a senior in high school, i couldn’t stand it anymore and asked him to my homecoming dance. this was a big move for me as i had been secretly harboring this crush for years. he was 4 years behind me in school, so that meant i would be a senior asking a freshman to my homecoming dance ~ i was 17, he was 14. but since he went to a different school, no one was the wiser. i was so nervous when i called to ask him. he said yes without a second thought and i could hardly contain myself.

my mom cooked a fancy steak dinner for a bunch of friends before the dance and we all felt so grown up sitting at the fancy dining room table. i think there were 4 couples total. nothing happened at that dance, not even a kiss. asking him to the dance was one thing, making the first move was a totally different story. even still, i had a great time, especially when we slow danced. even years later, his mother still kept that homecoming photo on her mantle.

for the next few years we kept in touch. either he had a girlfriend or i had a boyfriend so nothing happened, though there was always friendly flirting. at times i would tease him about having a crush on him and he not doing anything about it, to which he would always respond that he wished he hadn’t been so naive.

i don’t know when things changed but i think after a night of drinking at a dive bar a bunch of us frequented, we finally kissed. in my buzzed state, it was everything i had hoped for and more. as we cuddled and giggled in the back seat of my girlfriend’s car, i wished we could explore each other further, but knew we couldn’t. i think we were both with other people at the time and kissing was as far as we would go.

this happened on and off for years.

after i moved away for college, we still kept in touch. whenever i would go home, a bunch of us would get together and he and i would inevitably end up kissing and cuddling by the end of the night. but, the feelings were always fleeting and as soon as we were apart, we didn’t think of each other. it was more like a friends with kissing and cuddling benefits. as the years went by more of the same happened. several years went buy and he and a buddy went on a road trip and visited me for a night so i grabbed a girlfriend and the four of us had a crazy night out with tons of drunken debauchery.

both he and his buddy from the road trip ~ who had also turned into a good friend of mine ~ did readings at my wedding. sadly, we lost touch shortly after that. i know it’s for the best as i obviously couldn’t keep up that kind of friendship while married. i’m sure i’ve seen him a few times since the wedding, and always have fond memories of him. i recently found out he got married and while i’m so happy for him, my heart sank a tiny bit. i wonder if his mother still has our homecoming photo up on the mantle.


One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Gypsy on February 22, 2008 at 4:48 am

    Ah, young love. 🙂

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