so there

i got into yet another discussion with c about saving and finances. how i’m too impulsive. how i live for the moment, not for the future. well, if you don’t live in the now, what are you living for? i understand the need to live for the future, to save for it, to do all that, but what about now? you can’t just live, with the only the care about what is going to happen another day.

hell, i didn’t drink today and i live for that. each day is a new day. i can’t say, well, maybe i won’t drink next week, so if i drink tomorrow, it won’t be a big deal. wrong. i can’t do that.

i did some crazy, happy things today, and i don’t regret any of them. having regrets takes too much energy.

i went to the grocery store this evening and ran into one of the first girls i met when i was in college over 11 years ago. she now lives here with her husband and i ran into her at safeway. she knew me several boyfriends ago when we both partied a lot. i used to swing dance with one of her boyfriends. then i ran into a colleague, one of c’s old colleagues and someone i know from aa.

but, it felt really good to know all those people. it made me smile. a lot.

c got on to me about leaving my job. he’s dissapointed in me, says i’m not tough and should have stuck it out. he has no idea what i put up with there. how shitty working there is. how i put my ass on the line everyday for my staff and people crap on me constantly. and i only have 2 good people working for me and my boss wants to steal one of them for the night time and just leave me with one good server. (he wants to take the buser). grrr. whatever. i’m strong. i’m tough. i’m little and i’m sassy. don’t fuck with me.


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