what a day!

i got home super late last night from a dinner out with friends, which was really fun, and fell right asleep. i was hoping to sleep in today, but c’s alarm went off at the ungoldly hour of 8 am. hey, for a sleep in day, that’s early!! now, if c was a kind person, he would be quiet, and let me sleep. but, of course, that didn’t happen. he did make me coffee before he left, so that was nice and i forgave him for the noise.

i lounged around the house and played with atty. i went to a women’s meeting at 10:30 this morning. i hadn’t been there in about 6 months and decided to give it a shot. it was actually a really good meeting. it’s a book study meeting, so we read out of the big book. everyone takes a turn, then people can share for the latter part of the meeting. anyhow, i enjoyed the meeting and the hour went by really fast.

after the meeting i went to lunch with 2 of the gals that were there. (this had been planned since tuesday). anyhow, one of the gals introduced herself as a newcomer, which was a little surprising to me, as on thursday, when i last saw her, she had told me that she had just hit 7 months sober. she had gone out within the past 2 days. the other gal had just moved here and as i found out at lunch, has been in and out of the program for the past 10 years. she now has 4 years of straight sobriety. it was an interesting lunch, to say the least. both of them got on me about getting on with my steps, and i found that interesting since both of them have been in and out so much (the gal who had the 7 months untl the other day has been in and out for years as well). so while they are nice, i won’t be looking to them to spend a lot of time with. i need women with good, solid sobriety, without slip ups.

i’m going to hang out with another lady on monday who just celebrated 24 years.

slip ups are too scary for me right now. not that i have the immediate fear of that right now, but i want to learn from people who haven’t slipped. i seem to find much more stability in my friends who drink a lot more than those who are drunks. i guess that’s because my friends know me inside out and love me regardless of anything. they don’t judge me and just want to help and love me. i know the gals in aa intend to do that, but they just don’t come across that way. and it’s not even a tough love approach that they possess. they’re just women going thru troubled times who think because they have some sobriety under their belt they can advise those that are just starting out. and while they say they don’t judge, they do. and harshly.

yes, i am cynical. i’m just waiting for someone to prove me wrong. i am most definitly doing things to be proactive, it’s not that i’m being quiet at all. i talk to someone from aa pretty much every day. i go to oh, about 4-5 meetings a week. i do readings. i pray. i’m just not doing the steps and for them, that’s the worst thing in the world. to them, i’m not doing the program. to them, i should just go out and drink, for all the good not doing the steps is doing for me. wtf is that? whatever.

anywho, after lunch, i ran errands. i also got a bikini wax for my upcoming trip to hawaii. good fucking god. it hurt so damn muther fucking much. ohmigod. i am still in pain ~ okay, not really but i am definitly scared for life~. this time i decided to take off pretty much everything, save for a little patch. holy shit, man. i totally started crying towards the end. it was so bad. i looks great, though. men have NO IDEA.

i felt really odd after, having cried in there, so i went and treated myself to a mani/pedi. i got a really pretty pinkie red color on my toes and fingers. usually i get a frenchi on the fingers, but decided i needed a good splash of color. i tried to relax durning the treatment, but the place i went to was a bit distracting and c called twice with needy requests ~bring me a smoothie~ and so on.

i finally made it home late in the afternoon, smoothie in hand, and took a nap. i was woken by the extra loud tv, because god forbid i take a quiet nap in the afternoon, and got up to do some housework. i found some tasty new tea at the store and am enjoying that now. it’s the small things that really make me happy.

i have also made a new friend at work and we’re going to hang out tomorrow afternoon. we were going to hang out tonight, but i was a looser and missed her call earlier. i just called her and we have a plan for tomorrow. yay!


3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by WendyF on July 8, 2006 at 9:00 am

    Ok, I know this is late and you are in HAWAII right now, but it’s been months since I have read your blog. I jsut read this book called, ‘a million little pieces’. It’s about an aloholic, a drug addict and a criminal. He was tired of his life and blah blah and wanted to quit drinking and such. He didn’t believe in AA or the 12 steps or God and was told he would fail. He was told the only way he could recover was to embrace god and the 12 steps. He is just determined to live a clean, honest life…and it is working for him. SO, tell those nits to lay off you a bit!! This is your recovery…not theirs. Obviously you are moving at your own pace and obviously it’s working for you!! Plus, not everyone is the same!! Hang in there! It’s not tough and you are doing a great job!

  2. Posted by WendyF on July 8, 2006 at 9:01 am

    oops. I meant it’s not easy!!!

  3. Posted by shell on July 13, 2006 at 3:03 am

    thanks, wendy. it’s hard for those in aa to understand that you don’t have to use the program to stay sober. they become very judgemental and stuff. like bible beaters, only different.

    i read that book, too, a few years ago. turns out that he lied and made up most of the ‘true life’ stuff in it. sad, really. there was a whole thing in the news and on oprah about it.

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