i am in such a state of disarray.

every since c’s actions on saturday, i cannot seem to get back to my normal way of being. i’m irritated with the world and everything that is going on with me. i hate the way he talks to me and acts towards me. but somehow, everytime i talk to him about it, he somehow manages to turn things around on me and make me feel like everything i am feeling is my fault. i just don’t know how to explain it. he is so condesending to me that it drive me nuts. i call him on it, but he does it so often, that i just hold it in, and that’s what kills me.

he’s on my ass about everything and doesn’t let me take my own time to do things. for instance, we clean the house every weekend. without fail. he takes care of the outside, the vaccuming, and the dusting inside. i take care of everything else in the house. without fail, every weekend, he gets on me about cleaning and am i going to do the laundry and am i going to the store because we are out of club soda and am i going to clean the toilet because it has butt cooties on it.

for god’s sake.

i do all of that every weekend.

i don’t need him on my ass reminding me of my chores. i tell him as much, but he just laughs at me. i hate it so much.

he also has the gift of noticing what i have not done, like mop the floor, instead of noticing what i have done, everything else. then he gets mean. ‘so, you’re not going to mop the floor again the weekend, huh’. um, no. i just haven’t done it yet. grrrr. if it bothers him so much, i don’t understand why he doesn’t do it. i have told him as much, but that doesn’t seem to get anywhere with him either.

he’s also on this huge savings kick. yes, i understand we need to save in order to one day be able to afford to buy a house. get off my ass about it. he has no clue as to how much things actually cost. he wants my entire paycheck, or at least a majority of it, to go into savings. well, that’s fine and all, but things come up all the time that we need extra money for, that i don’t want to be pulling money out of savings for. like the credit card bill came the other day and i paid it out of my pay check. oh, well, that was fine for him…but the rest had to go into savings.

don’t get me wrong. i totally understand saving. but he is such a nut about it. you have to live, too. i just hate how he talks to me and acts towards me. he is so friggen selfish. the world has to revolve around him.

if i’m sick, he still makes me feel like i need to take care of him. and when i won’t, he calls me mean. he says he’s kidding, but come on. enough is enough.

he’s such a spoiled brat. his parents let him get away with so much. he’ll never admit to any of that, but it’s true.

i’m just so frustrated. and no, i’m not feeling sorry for myself, which is something he says i do all the time. being frustrated with a situation is so different than feeling sorry for oneself. i just don’t know what to do.

now he’s on this kick where he writes me a ‘to do’ list. um…am i 5? he just sent me one via email. are you friggen kidding me? talk about micromanagement. it’s not cute. whatsoever. i am always on top of things and know what needs to be done. i do not need anyone reminding me of my daily tasks. especially him.


2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Tanie on March 7, 2006 at 2:54 am

    Goodnes me, ‘C’ sounds somewhat controlling. Whilst I understand the need for a savings account, you simply MUST be doing seperate saving accounts. If he tells you otherwise he is trying to control your money as well.

    Please please, this person does not appear to be doing your self esteem any good at all. If your friend comes over to see you and stay then that’s great and neither you or she should feel intimidated by his comments.

    Just a question; why are you considering moving in with someone who makes you feel like this??????

  2. Posted by shell on March 7, 2006 at 6:27 am

    yes, so true. all of it. unfortunately, for me, i am married to this man. there are so many things that have come out post-nuptuals that i would never have imagined.

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