musings.

Holy Cow!  How has it seriously been two weeks since I have last posted?  I used to post at least once a day, if not more.  I guess sitting at a lame job with extra time on my hands afforded me more time to write.  Now I am running in every direction at all times and when I do have a moment to myself, I normally pick sleep over anything else.   But alas, I felt like writing today.

The weather is great and I do feel like we’re heading into spring rather than stuck in the middle of winter.  The sky is blue and the air is clear.  Hubby, Baby and I went on a hike yesterday and it was so nice to be out.  I think it was close to 75 degrees out.  But while we desperately need the rain, I would prefer weather like this to the gloominess that usually blankets the area.

Baby is now 5 months old and I can hardly believe it.  She is growing in leaps and bounds and sure keeps me busy.  But it’s a good busy and I don’t mind it in the least.  She is moving all around and today she discovered herself in the mirror, so I’m getting a big kick watching her.  We’re meeting some friends at the park this afternoon for a play date, which is frankly sort of strange.  Just the other day I took Baby for the first time and while we were sitting on the bench watching the other kids play, I realized that I am no longer just sitting on the sidelines, watching the world go by.  There were a group of girls, probably in their early twenties, laying on a blanket on the grass, drinking wine and enjoying the sunshine.  That used to be me.  Living life without a care in the world, no real responsibilities, no one to account to except for to myself.  Now things are so much different.  Now I am a wife and a  mother.  Holy crap.  How did that happen?!  But, you know, I wouldn’t change a thing for the world.  I love Baby more ferociously every day and I cannot imagine my life without her.  And though it seems like just yesterday that I was 23, I don’t have a single regret in my past.  I am so glad everything happened the way it did.  I had many wild and crazy times, as well as a lot of melancholy times and every experience has molded me into who I am today.

When I left for college, I didn’t know a single person there and now still remain in touch with several girls I became friends with.  When I moved to another city to finish my degree, I didn’t know anyone except for my boyfriend ~ now Hubby ~ and had many amazing experiences.  When I moved on to another city just before we married, again, I didn’t know anyone and again, made more friends.  And finally, when I moved to the town we now live in, I only knew Hubby and his family and have yet again started making more friends.  I’ve had so many wonderful experiences that I am so glad for.  Even the bad times, when I was at my worst and thought that I couldn’t go on anymore passed and made me stronger.   No longer am I am the shy, insecure girl of my childhood.  No longer am I a nerd with huge tortoise shell glasses, mickey mouse t-shirts and no-name jeans.  No longer am I afraid to speak my mind.  No longer do I stand there and take what other people dish out to me.  I am now strong and confident.  Sure, I still have days of self doubt and fear, where the mirror is not always so kind and I don’t want to get out of bed, but those days are fewer and farther between.  I truly believe because I have taken experiences as they have come and lived my life to it’s fullest, that I will not end up as some bitter woman who has tons of regrets and feels bad about herself.  I am not jealous or envious of my friends.  Sure, I may be envious that someone gets to go on a fantastic vacation or can afford a new car or live at the beach, but it is  not the green eyed evil monster kind of envy.  I am truly happy for my friends when good things happen to them.  I now realize that we are all in situations because we have put ourselves there.

For the longest time I have dreamed of being an editor.  But where to start?  Who would hire me when I all I could say is that I used to edit papers for friends in college or that I write in my spare time?  How do I convince someone that I am good enough and that I know my stuff?  And am I good enough or do I just have an ego that tells me that I am?  Well, the time has come for me to get my feet wet.  I have had something pretty much drop in my lap and will now be editing a 20 page monthly newsletter for an organization here in town.  I am so stoked!  I will even get to contribute articles and change the layout as I see fit.  I will work with the current editor for the February issue then take the reigns and be on my own from March on forward.  Wish me luck!!